


Men's Health Interviews Steve Rogers

by Lena7142, Scappodaqui



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Character Study, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-25 17:25:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3818749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lena7142/pseuds/Lena7142, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scappodaqui/pseuds/Scappodaqui
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This past Saturday, Men’s Health reporter Ben Brown got the chance to meet up with Steve Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America--or is that Captain America a.k.a. Steve Rogers?  Over a stack of pancakes that would make the Rock cry (seriously, Michael Phelps in his heyday has nothing on the metabolism of a supersoldier), we took the time to ask him about his workout routine, his recent announcement of bisexuality, and his feelings about fame. While we couldn’t discuss anything classified, we did touch on subjects as controversial as Crossfit and “that thing the Black Widow can do with her thighs.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Men's Health Interview

art by Lena7142

This past Saturday, Men’s Health reporter Ben Brown got the chance to meet up with Steve Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America--or is that Captain America a.k.a. Steve Rogers? Over a stack of pancakes that would make the Rock cry (seriously, Michael Phelps in his heyday has nothing on the metabolism of a supersoldier), we took the time to ask him about his workout routine, his recent announcement of bisexuality, and his feelings about fame. While we couldn’t discuss anything classified, we did touch on subjects as controversial as Crossfit and “that thing the Black Widow can do with her thighs.”

MH: I take it we have Tony Stark to thank for setting up this interview?

SR: Yes, and I very much appreciate that you’re donating half of the proceeds of this issue to StarkTech’s functional prosthetics program.

MH: It’s our pleasure, Captain. 

SR: Steve is fine. Before we start, I do want to be clear that I’m a little uncomfortable with the idea of being held up as a fitness role model. I mean, what with the government serum and all, it’s about on par with slapping a steroid-user on the cover. Which I’m sure is something your magazine would never think of doing.

MH: Right. Never.

SR: _(nods)_

MH: You’re clearly a man of principle, Steve, and I think that’s what a lot of people like about you. 

SR: Yes, that’s why I have principles. So people will like me. _(indecipherable through a mouthful of pancakes)._ Sorry, sorry, can we start again?

MH: Sure. It’s been a big year for you, hasn’t it? First you play a key role in the Battle of New York, and a few months later, you’re declared a fugitive by the U.S. government. By the way, I never believed a word of it. I know you can’t comment on the politics, but between all that, I can see why you’d have some tension to work off in the gym.

SR: That is actually true, it is cathartic for me. Boxing, running, especially.

MH: Do you box against anyone? Spar? Or is there no one on your level--maybe the other Avengers?

SR: You’d be surprised at what the Black Widow can do. And sadly I think she likes to keep it surprising, so I can’t share too much. She has allowed me to mention that there is a thing she can do with her thighs. _(blushing visibly)_ She said your readership would appreciate it.

MH: That’s... probably a safe bet. So let me picture this. This is like, her legs, wrapped around--

SR: _(clearly uncomfortable)_ Your neck, mostly. That immobilizes most people pretty fast.

MH: Wow. Whole new meaning to the term Brazilian Jiu Jitsu there, Steve.

SR: It’s a lot less enjoyable than you might think.

MH: That is hard to imagine. _(pause)_ Do you, ah, spar with anyone else?

SR: Sure, on occasion, any number of agents. Sometimes the other Avengers. Not the Hulk, obviously. Bruce mostly does yoga. I’ve tried that, it’s something they didn’t have in my day, uh, my original day, the ‘30s and ‘40s. Mostly I take down a bunch of punching bags.

MH: Must be quite a change from before the serum.

SR: Gosh, yes.

MH: In doing my research for this interview, I found my way to see the Smithsonian exhibit--where I learned your bench press was 30 pounds before your transformation? I’ve got to ask, Steve, how is that even possible? That’s less than the weight of the bar.

SR: Uh, yeah. They gave me a broom handle with a couple washers on it.

MH: That’s pretty funny.

SR: At the time, not so much. But, you know, I tried just as hard--back then--as I do today. The effort level has never changed for me. I just had a lot of different limitations, asthma, diabetes, and so on--things that nowadays medical science can treat more effectively, which is why donating to--

MH: We’ll put a link to your donations page on the website copy of the article, don’t worry. _(pause)_ So what’s your lifting routine like nowadays? What kind of workouts do you do? Are you a fan of pyramid sets? Circuit training? Supersets?

SR: Supersets. _(pause)_ Um. Sure. Yes. I guess as a supersoldier, I do supersets. I superset squats with saving the world. 

MH: Hey, Captain America is a funny guy!

SR: Oh, and I do Crossfit.

MH: Wait, what?

SR: Sorry. That was a joke too. It wasn’t even my joke, someone dared me to--look, actually, there is an Avenger who does Crossfit. But it’s not me.

MH: Is it Thor?

SR: No.

MH: Is it--

SR: It’s Hawkeye. 

MH: Really. Does he eat Paleo?

SR: No, he says that’s for the birds.

MH: Huh. Okay. Well, what’s your bench now? I think we’re all curious to hear what kind of numbers Captain America is pushing.

SR: Last measured was about a ton, but after that we had to switch to an adamantium bar and I added a few plates. Safe to say I haven’t found the limits yet. Erskine was a brilliant man. 

MH: So you can bench a lot, excuse me, a literal ton. You hit the heavy bag. And you’re also a runner? Ever done a marathon?

SR: I don’t think that would be fair. 

MH: What about an Iron Man?

SR: I’ll leave that to Tony.

MH: Ha ha. 

SR: No, I do love to run. My best friend before the war was a track runner, and it caught my imagination. Running is beautiful, though apparently I have kind of strange form, I’ve heard. I enjoy it a lot.

MH: You’re not worried it kills your gains?

SR: Kills my..? No, I mean, I have plenty of stamina. I recover fast.

MH: I’m sure we’d all like to hear more about that.

SR: _(unintelligible)_

MH: Has the serum improved your stamina in other areas?

SR: You mean sexually. You’re asking me about sex. _(pause)_ To be honest, I wasn’t getting much before the serum, so it’s hard to compare. 

MH: Hey, a lot our readers can relate to that. I hear a lot of stories about guys who only started to get attention after they bulked up.

SR: We’re not going to follow this line of questioning, are we? Seems like reaching below the belt.

MH: … you mean hitting below the belt?

SR: I’m not always hip to modern slang.

MH: Um. Well. I have to admit--since you came out as bisexual, I’m pretty sure everyone is curious about your romantic life.

SR: I’m told people of all orientations are treated equally now, so I can’t see why that should be.

MH: You must get twice as many love notes from fans.

SR: You’d be surprised. I got plenty from both genders before. It’s still strange to get a love letter from someone you’ve never met no matter what, never mind that now people can send ‘em via Twitter or post them to the Captain America facebook page or my website or wherever. I guess that’s something anyone in the public eye deals with. Fame. I read a book that describes it as ‘being known for being known.’ People like me because I’m Captain America, but they’d probably like a monkey if he wore the suit.

MH: Maybe if he wore it as well as you do.

SR: Uh. Thank you. 

MH: Would you say _you_ have a soft spot for anyone famous?

SR: Sure. Vivien Leigh. Oh, and Orson Welles. 

MH: Orson Welles?

SR: A young Orson Welles. Reminds me of someone.

MH: Interesting.

SR: Yeah. This fella I knew was a fan. Captured by the Nazis, and he didn’t give them anything real, but told them there was a famous allied general named Rosebud. You know, from Citizen Kane. 

MH: It’s still unreal that you are the same man we all grew up reading about in the comics. That you can talk about fighting Nazis. 

SR: I’m really not the man from the comics. It is unreal, though, having the job that I do and trying to stick by the same principles I always did, when people see me as, well, a relic.

MH: And what are those principles?

SR: I’d say live by the spirit of the law, not the letter of the law. I don’t mean break the law, I mean be a human being first, not whatever job you have or whatever label you have. Or what symbol you wear.

MH: Don’t let the uniform wear you, is what you’re saying.

SR: Yeah. And by the way, the uniform used to be much worse--there were tights. So the current version is an improvement. _(pause)_ I sometimes feel a little like Don Quixote, you know, living by rules everyone else thinks are silly. But you have to accept, we’re all a little deluded, I don’t always make the right choices either. It’s just that you have to make your own choices. Do what you think is right, as best you can. Even if people think you look stupid. 

MH: There you have it. Captain America says be yourself.

SR: Actually, no. Can I say--I hate that? ‘Be yourself.’ Like just _being_ some way means anything. I mean make your own choices. Be a good person. 

MH: Well all right then. Thanks, Steve, for your time.

SR: Thank you.

____________________________________

Email from content@menshealth.com to ironman@starktech.net  
Subject: Reader Questions

Dear Tony,

Please see attached reader questions, to be appended to our Captain America feature. As requested we’ve sent them to you to forward to your colleague.

Yours,  
Ben Brown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, many thanks to the peerless [Lena7142](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lena7142) for the cover art and the editing input. She’s a professional. It shows. (Tumblr link [here](http://portraitoftheoddity.tumblr.com/post/117352553614/mens-health-interview-steve-rogersthis-past))
> 
> I was actually inspired by a fic that I am going to warn you about before I link--it’s one of the infamous Hydra Trash Party ones. I’ll be honest--I barely even read smut, let alone that sort, but this was hilarious. And, well, the idea of Brock Rumlow stalking Steve to ask about his lifts kind of made me want to write a Men’s Health interview. Here it is. But do be warned re: disturbing content there. 
> 
> By the way, there is going to be a followup chapter to this interview. The next part, as hinted in the email, will be some fan questions. I would actually love it if people want to leave comments with sample ‘fan questions’. Would be fun.


	2. Steve Rogers Answers Reader Questions

Men’s Health was delighted by the positive response to our interview with Steve Rogers. The American symbol even took some time out of his busy schedule saving the world from rampaging kill-bots to answer a few reader questions. We at Men’s Health were surprised at how detailed and thoughtful his answers were, but hey, the age of close-mouthed machismo may be at an end after all. **Click here** for this month’s feature article on how sharing your feelings can help you get a better pump in the gym!

Below, please find Steve's responses to your questions.

 

**"You seem like a private person, and our modern celebrity culture is so invasive. What made you decide to come out in this environment? (And thank you:"  
\--an+errant+tumbleweed**

You’re right, I do think of myself as a private person, though I guess Captain America isn’t. I’ve stopped trying to wrap my head around that one. 

The thing is, I actually get more privacy being ‘out’ than if I tried to sneak around. It’s a big news story if Captain America gets caught with a guy when he’s, you know, the old comic book idea of Captain America. It’s not a big news story if Steve Rogers goes out with a guy because people know he’s that way now. It’s--the whole difference is that now we get to use those words for ourselves, not just take whatever words the bullies out there throw at us. 

Which, by the way, is a huge shift for me. Back before the War, or during the War, we just didn’t talk about the names for things the way people do today. I’m not even talking about how those specific sex acts were illegal, I’m saying we didn’t call ourselves… well, as a joke, maybe… what I mean is, things like ‘queer’ or ‘fairy’ were mostly things people called you, and not the way they do today. This idea of ‘reclaiming terms’ I learned about a few months ago made that clear to me. Queer people can call ourselves queer now. And it’s not a shameful thing, or it’s not supposed to be. I’m not entirely sure everyone really feels that way, but I think they hope to. 

I come from a time when a group of people, that would be the Nazis, they liked to put a label on queer people, Jews, people of other races, all of that. A lot of people died for being born a certain way. A lot of people even in America had their lives ruined for being a certain way. A lot of them avoided that by just not talking about it, and I did for a long time, but that’s not a long-term solution. I can’t run away from a fight.

It’s true I don’t like to talk about everything I get up to and I think private matters should stay private. But I also think truthfulness is important. And keeping quiet shouldn’t be about fear.

I actually just agreed to do an It Gets Better video, because from what I can tell it has gotten a lot better over the past seventy years, in some ways. I wonder if in other ways it hasn’t, if so many kids are killing themselves. If we need those videos to begin with. But it’s good to be able to make changes by speaking out instead of just using my fists, and I guess that’s why I came out. I’m hoping the initial response to that blows over and this--sexual identity thing--becomes just as unimportant as folks tell me it is. 

**“So, Steve, what did you think of the movie Citizen Kane? It's considered a classic now, though I'm not sure many people actually like it.”  
\--Amarin_Rose**

I liked Welles since I listened to the War of the Worlds, though I gotta say that became surreal once I had to face an actual alien invasion. I liked a lot of the details of the thing, but it was more fun to make jokes about than actually watch. Like Xanadu. I call Stark Tower Xanadu sometimes. Some of the film techniques, I liked a lot--the lighting--it was too long, though. I remember having a popcorn fight during that film and usually we were pretty respectful in those days, but it was just too long.

**“Have you ever tried parkour?”  
\--Amarin_Rose**

Definitely! That would’ve been so handy right after the serum, when I was chasing down the guy who shot Erskine. I knew my way around the city’s alleyways and so on, but I didn’t know any gymnastic moves or how to leverage the surroundings. So last year, they brought in this guy to SHIELD and he taught a few of us all of these techniques. The main problem I have is sometimes my shoulders won’t fit through a window. I’ve wound up smashing a lot of windows. Only on missions, of course. Though I did break Sam’s--that’s the Falcon, Sam Wilson--I broke his trellis one time.

_______________________________

_”Hey, Cap, you do realize my favorite answer to that first question would have been ‘I didn’t fit in the closet anymore after the serum?’ Why are you wasting your time writing letters to dude-bros anyway? You know Nat and I said we’d do it.”_

_“Shut up, Tony.”_

_“I get it. You need a distraction from Barnesy the homicidally insane assassin, whom no one in their right mind would confuse with the cuddly purple dinosaur.”_

_“I have a brother named Barney,” Clint said, dropping out of the ceiling._

_“Not Barnum, as in Barnum and Bailey? Hey, I once had a really good friend named Bailey’s. Also, holy shit, I will never get used to you up in the ducts. JARVIS, could you give me a little warning next time? It’s like duct, duct, goose around here.”_

_Clint read Steve’s Starkpad over his shoulder. “If we’re giving input, you should say Captain America tolerates everything, even gluten. You do know what gluten is?”_

_“It was on the list,” Steve said, sighing._

__

_______________________________

**“What’s your stance on gluten?”  
\--Aragantbro **

I want to state for the record that Captain America is pro-gluten. Actually, as a side effect of the serum, I’m allergic to any gluten-free food. 

I also want to state vehemently that Captain America is pro-vaccinating your kids.

**“Seriously though what does Captain America take for a preworkout? or like a postworkout.”  
\--Mopedhed**

My preworkout is plain old apple pie. Just like Mom used to make. It’s a little-known fact that I eat six apple pies a day, every day.

**“What do you watch on TV? do you even watch TV? Or Movies? You don’t know any modern movie stars. I had to look up Vivian [sic] Leigh. Who even is that bro.”  
\--DYEL1298**

I do watch TV. The Colbert Report is my main source of reliable news. Also, I really liked Breaking Bad. And Project Runway. Someday I’d like them to design me a new uniform. I’m serious. Can you get me in touch with their production team?

_______________________________

_“Not a bad idea,” Natasha mused, peering over Tony’s shoulder._

_“I don’t even know what Project Runway is,” said Steve, arms folded, staring morosely down at the Starkpad._

_“Liar.” Tony pointed a finger back at him, still typing with the other hand. “And if not, shame on you. Tim Gunn is a fellow gay icon. It’s your job to know about these things now.”_

_“Oh, great, so why aren’t you best pals with--” Steve groped for the name of a debauched playboy. “--Uh--”_

_“Paris Hilton,” Natasha suggested._

_“Actually,” Tony said._

_“Please stop,” said Clint._

__

_______________________________

**“If you and Thor arm-wrestled, who would win?”  
\--Contrerasss**

We actually have arm-wrestled. I think we both won. 

He did win the dance-off tiebreaker. Someone taught him a dance called Hammer Time. I think that’s on YouTube now? [Men’s Health Edit: **Please see embedded link** ] I could never dance, so no hard feelings, Thor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so about half of this is crack. No apologies.


End file.
